-- (All to tune of 'Yesterday')
CHASTITY
Chastity, no-one's dick is getting into me,
Hanging on to my virginity,
I'll never catch an S.T.D.
CHORUS:
Now I never come,
No squelching noises at night,
I can't get no fun,
Now I'm into chastity.
Chastity, now I've gone for celibacy,
It means no-one wants to fuck with me,
I just call it chastity.
Chastity, I've forgotten what my bits are for,
I don't even masturbate no more,
No fear of pregnancy for sure.
PREGNANCY
Birth control, is the only way to save my soul.
Since I put it in my girl friend's hole,
Now I believe in birth control.
CHORUS:
Why I had to cum,
I don't know she wouldn't blow.
I did something wrong,
Now I long for birth control.
Pregnancy, there's a shotgun hanging over me.
Why has this bulge got to be?
I should have used one silly me.
SYPHILIS
Syphilis, feels like razors every time I piss.
Who the hell's to blame for this?
It's agony this syphilis.
CHORUS
How I got that sore,
I didn't know, she was a whore.
I was indiscreet,
Now I've got infected meat.
Syphilis, chancre sores and spots upon my skin,
I never should have stuck it in,
Now I will die of syphilis.
Syphilis, it all started with a simple kiss.
Now it even hurts to take a piss.
Oh why did I get syphilis?
Why'd she have VD? I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I did something wrong and now
I long for yesterday ....
S.T.D.
STD, it is also called VD,
Chlamydia, syph and PID,
Trichomonas, gonorrhea.
STD, lots of bugs which have a ball,
Apart from AIDS I have them all,
Cystitis pains are in my tool ....
STD, yeast infections they are known as thrush,
I've non-specific urethritis,
I'm dripping globs of pus ...
STD, my tool's gone purple, black and green,
The worst a clinic's ever seen,
Do you know just what I mean?
PROSTATE GLAND
Prostate gland, it causes problems for a man,
You can't piss or trickle when you can,
Prostates they should be banned ...
Prostate gland, big as golfball blocks the flow,
You need a catheter to help you go,
Plays havoc with libido.
Prostate gland, it makes your pissing awful slow,
Remove it and your erection goes,
Believe me - I should know.
LEPROSY
Leprosy, bits and pieces falling off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since I acquired leprosy.
CHORUS:
How I got that sore,
I didn't know, she was a whore.
I was indiscreet,
Now I've got infected meat.
Leprosy, stumps for toes and fingers, woe is me,
There goes my dick, how will I pee?
Quite messily, with leprosy.
Leprosy, all my skin is falling off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be.
Oh, how did I get leprosy?
FRIGIDITY
Frigidity, I'm so tight you can't get into me,
Muscles clench with such rigidity,
No reason I can see.
Frigidity, everyone says I don't like sex,
Can't see I'm just a nervouse wreck,
Can't come, oh what the heck.
Frigidity, it seems I can't achieve orgasm,
Muscles prematurely locked in spasm,
I can't climax at all.
Frigidity, vaginismus is the term I've heard,
Frigidity is such an awful word,
Makes me feel such a nerd.
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