Dickie Jones was a man who had unnatural alliances,
With toasters and other domestic appliances,
But for true satisfaction there's nothing that sucks,
Nothing that sucks like an Electrolux.
Dickie Jones indulges his strange, risky urges,
Without a circuit-breakers to guard against surges,
Of the current as it powers the various appliances,
With which poor perverted Dickie holds dangerous alliances.
Now one lonely evening when Dickie needed his release,
He had a odd liaison with a strong new vacuum cleaner,
First he played the brushes up and down along his tool,
Then he turned the brushes so they tickled 'gainst his balls.
He then attached the nozzle, set the thing to maximum suck,
Stuck his plonker up the tubing of his new Electrolux,
The suction felt fantastic as he made his pelvic thrusts,
But in this new technology young Dick put too much trust.
He entered it too deeply and it stuck fast to his balls,
Into the metal tubing his poor gonads were hauled,
In agony he yelped out, in pain he crossed his eyes,
But from the cleaner nozzle his three-piece could not be prised.
He pulled out the mains plug, by now was feeling frantic,
Cursed his vacuum cleaner, he regretted all his antics,
Compressed inside the nozzle Dick's dick could not be freed,
And to compound matters he had a desperate urge to pee.
He disconnected all the tubing, tucked it down inside his pants,
And limped along to Casualty, accompanied by clanks,
The girls all cheered our Dickie as he limped along the street,
The guys envied the hard-on which reached right down to his feet.
The doctors at the hospital, with hacksaw and a frown,
Cut free his tortured penis, told him not to fool around,
With electrical appliances, vacuum cleaners and the like,
Without a circuit breaker to guard 'gainst current spikes.
Now he's started up a new affair with a Black and Decker drill,
When Dickie fits the buffing pads it gives the guy a thrill,
But for true satisfaction he knows there's nowt that sucks,
As strongly and as keenly as a new Electrolux.